My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
