I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
