Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
