I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
