Only a mothe r could love this liver
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My liver just had a heart attack.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
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