he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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