Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
These tits shall not be calmed
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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