So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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