I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
