So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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