whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
