Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
