So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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