She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
