it was like his penis was on wheels.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
