Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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