your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
