we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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