I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You pole danced in your parka.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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