dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
