he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
