so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
