So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
