I cannot find my penis.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
