Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
