so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
