Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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