Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
