the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
