so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize