we're chasing vodka with high fives
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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