you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
