is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Soap is not a condiment
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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