i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
ugly people sure do ruin things
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
