On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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