Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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