i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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