he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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