my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
