remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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