i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
