who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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