i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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