Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
