dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And then my night got REAL pukey
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
