Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
