I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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