3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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