she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
