Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
