did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
