we're chasing vodka with high fives
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
