sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
