What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
