The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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