and you said cock pushups were impossible
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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