so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize