I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
