Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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