Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
