Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
