I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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