how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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