I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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